Embracing the Sacred Chaos of Modern Parenthood
Because Who Has Time for Perfection?
A few weeks ago, my friend Kailey posted “My 17 Diapers Story” on her Pioneering Sisterhood Substack.
I want to begin by saying thank you, Kailey, for sharing your own “17 Diapers Story.” It is so honest and vulnerable. And thank you, moms, for all that you do. My mother, wife, and all of you are magnificent examples of modern pioneers.
You are each a superhero, capable of embracing the terrific challenges of motherhood. Without you, each of us would literally be nothing.
Kailey’s post included a short and frank discussion of young moms dealing with their postpartum struggles and peer-to-peer judgments that can result in a genuine sense of loneliness at a very tender time.
As I read Kailey’s post, my mind traveled back in time.
Memories of those early years of marriage and starting a family came flooding back to the days when my stay-at-home wife tended to our four kids, spanning the ages of newborn to six.
Leakproof disposables had yet to fully evolve from the first Kimbies to premium and expensive Huggies.
In those days, baby bottoms were kept as comfy as possible with pinned cloth diapers covered with plastic pants. That meant rinsing and ringing out soiled diapers in the toilet before placing them in the plastic “diaper pail,” a dark ammonia factory capable of waking the unconscious whenever the lid was removed. Despite the effort involved, there was something strangely satisfying about folding and stacking soft, freshly laundered cloth diapers.
We were fortunate to enjoy two sets of grandparents nearby who were always willing to watch the kids for a night out. Once the youngest was weaned, they would even treat us to an occasional glorious night away in a hotel!
Of course, now, as a grandparent, I suspect an ulterior motive: the unspoken hope we would use our alone time to create another cute young human for the grands to love and spoil!
But there would be at most four kids.
I remember vividly the day I came home from my blossoming community banking career and entered our two-bedroom apartment.
After walking through the door, the first order of affairs was to enjoy a long hug and kiss with my bride.
As expected, toys lay all over the floor, and the faint smell of ammonia escaped from the diaper pail in the second bathroom. It was obvious my wife had endured another busy day. Yet everyone was clean, happy, healthy, and well-fed.
Coming home to that controlled chaos was always the highlight of my day!
“Daddy! Daddy!” Kids scramble to cling and climb up my torso to provide tight hugs around my legs and neck. Kisses on my cheek. Little bodies are tossed into the air and caught. Horsey rides and wrestles with the requisite tickling requested and immediately granted. Joyful chatter and giggles fill our home.
Once things had settled down, my attention returned to my wife. We would embrace and talk softly, checking in on how the day went.
The questions and conversation were as you would think.
“How was your day at the bank? Who did you see? Did you meet with the President?” she would ask.
Then it was my turn. “How are you? Did anything happen today or come in the mail worth talking about? How are our neighbors and their kids? How are the grandparents?”
Our quiet conversation continued until we were satisfied and caught up.
Lately, however, I began to notice a curious trend.
The questions and words were all normal adult conversation. But the inflection of each question in my wife’s sentences was not like she was talking to another adult but as if she was conversing with a youngster!
She was also keenly interested in what was happening in the adult world beyond our little bubble.
She had always considered being a mother the highest calling and wanted nothing else since she was a child. She loved our kids perfectly and in the way each unique personality required.
The love of my life and best friend remained happy, smiling, and excited to be reunited every evening and night. But it was apparent she was missing adult interaction and activities. I brought up the “kid talk” trend I had noticed.
During the next few nights, we engaged in many hours of heartfelt pillow talk, finally prayerfully concluding that the procreative period of our lives had reached a successful end. Our course was to raise our brood of four human bipeds now and reintroduce my wife to the adult world she desired and had earned.
So, Kailey’s “My 17 Diapers Story” hit home.
I “liked” her post and started to comment. But I’m not a mom, and it felt weird to comment further.
That’s where this post comes in!
Kailey and many others are in life's “starting a family” phase. Now, with the above backstory, I am compelled to share thoughts about the women in our lives.
Husbands, dads, and guys in general may want to pay attention, too, since raising kids is a team sport!
It is a biological fact that men are predominantly physically stronger, but that doesn’t make men the stronger gender!
Through our life experiences together, I have seen physical, spiritual, and emotional strength in my wife I could never match.
Ladies, I invite you to take a few minutes to appreciate and honor the beautiful chaos of your life lives.
Maybe you are reading this while your toddler is “shopping” for the third time today and emptying the dry and canned goods in your kitchen pantry into her Little Tikes red and yellow play shopping cart. You know, the one with those brilliant blue wheels.
With a bustling household and a list of never-ending responsibilities, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and question your self-worth. I have seen my sweet wife endure those emotional cycles.
Parenting kids was tough back in our day. Nevertheless, we are always quick to acknowledge that raising a family in today’s environment is hands-down more challenging. Navigating the merging of the human experience with today’s modern electronics and artificial intelligence while coping with continual noise and commotion in the modern world is staggering.
But guess what?
Have faith, there is hope! Those little creatures really do eventually stop eating their boogers and grow up into beautiful people! I promise this is true.
Watching the life cycle unfold as your adult children raise their own brood and then watch their posterity, your grandkids march toward “adulting” and begin to launch and find their place in the world is a glorious experience.
Parenting has been challenging for every generation, and your task is the toughest of all time.
But take heart.
You are here on the earth at this time for a good reason.
Your generation is full of light, truth, and native intelligence, the greatest ever to grace the face of this world until now. You are up to the task of raising today's kids.
And under your guidance, their light will even exceed your own as they take their place in the world and usher in the greatest of all times.
The next time you feel overwhelmed by the beautiful chaos of today’s parenting challenges, pause and take a deep breath. Look around and embrace the mess, the love, and the life you're creating.
Your lot isn't just parenting – this is your glorious masterpiece in progress.
Please know you are seen, valued, and part of the grand tradition of raising extraordinary humans. Keep going, keep loving, and keep creating your beautiful chaos. Because, in the end, that's precisely what makes it perfect.
In closing, please accept this post with all the love, respect, and adoration I can send you.
I confidently say to all the modern moms and dads, “YOU GOT THIS!”
Thanks for reading and pondering with me!
Russell Anderson
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P.S. I appreciate and respect your investment of precious time in reading my work! I strive to provide thought-worthy content that generates a worthwhile return on your time investment.
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