Herd Your Cats: Family Consensus Building

Have you ever had a family decision to make?

Perhaps like where to go on vacation, what movie to see, or what kind of puppy to bring home?

Here is an idea borrowed from the business world that works when making family decisions too!

To implement a great idea, people need to work together.

Everyone involved needs to want the same thing and agree on the steps required to get there. When there is consensus, decisions are typically implemented more quickly than those made by other methods.

The consensus-building process involves a time investment that helps bring everyone to common ground. However, as you will see below, achieving consensus does not imply all parties are completely and wholeheartedly in favor of the ultimate decision.

In general, achieving consensus requires an open and honest airing of all opinions and a high level of trust and respect in the decision. MIT Professor Mary Rowe's levels of consensus¹ shared next will help identify when a workable agreement has been reached and measure the level of consensus reached.

Levels of Consensus

1. I can say an unqualified "yes" to the decision. I am satisfied that the decision expresses the group's wisdom.

2. I find the decision perfectly acceptable.

3. I can live with the decision; I'm not especially enthusiastic about it.

4. I do not fully agree with the decision and need to register my view. However, I do not choose to block the decision. I am willing to trust the wisdom of the group.

5. I disagree with the decision and feel the need to stand in the way of this decision being accepted.

6. I think we have no clear sense of unity in the group. We need to do more work before consensus can be reached.

Once the participants feel comfortable making a decision, they "vote" by indicating their standing regarding their position.

When a working consensus at a level of four or above is achieved, you can move forward. However, it may be wise to provide additional discussion to the objections of anyone indicating a level of four.

If someone is at a 5 or 6, there is still work to do. The team can pause and work through an individual's objections in a friendly setting. The aim is that patience, empathy, and reason will eventually win the day, and unity will increase.

Or, perhaps the consensus process ultimately identifies anyone whose agenda is drastically opposed to the group culture. For example, in a business, the antagonist will see they no longer fit in the organization and leave voluntarily or be exited out.

But, of course, the family cannot simply kick out a disagreeable member! So, instead, the group continues to drill down, seeking to expose and constructively resolve core concerns.

Engaging all members of the family involved will validate individual worth.

Give this form of consensus-building a try in your family group and see what happens!

Thanks for reading!

Russell Anderson

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P.S. I appreciate and respect your investment of precious time to read my work! I strive to provide thought-worthy content that generates a worthwhile return on your investment.

1. Rowe, Mary. Adjunct Professor, MIT Sloan School of Management. Conflict Resolution Notes, Volume 8, No. 3, January 1991.